How do I know if I'm a worrier? Many people's digestive systems are an indi- cation of their worry quotient, either in the form of a nervous stomach, heartburn,

or constipation or diarrhea before or after a stressful event. Some people get sweaty, clammy, unusually offensive perspiration, or their faces flush. Others suffer from chronic stiffness, tightness, or pain of their neck and or are unable to fall asleep at night or wake periodically during the night. If you get any of these symptoms when you're under stress, you can probably benefit from this article.

Why do we worry? l) In utero fears- Many of us are deeply frightened even before birth. We may pick up the fears of our mothers in utero- perhaps her fears that she'll miscarry, that there won't be enough money to provide for a baby, that her husband might leave her, or that she won't be strong enough to care for a child. One of our patients told us the dreadful story of how her father pushed her mother down a flight of stairs during her late pregnancy in hopes of killing her child. Can you imagine the terrifying effect this could have on that little fetus struggling for life inside its mother? 2) Childhood losses or traumas- Life-long nervousness often stems from an early divorce, abandonment, physical or sexual abuse, or other circumstances which teach us in our tender years that the world is not a safe place. Some of us go through our entire lives in survival mode in a constant state of fear. 3) Parental conditioning- Others of us, even though we have secure, stable childhood environments, are exposed to parents who are overprotective worriers. They teach us that there are dangers lurking behind every corner, that people may cheat and take advantage of us, and that we need to sleep with one eye open, so to speak. We may also be programmed for perfection so that we believe we need to worry about every little detail or we may (heaven forbid!) actually make a mistake. 4) Adult worry mentality- Later events in our lives may reinforce the tendency to nervousness and overcon- cern about everything. If we experience what we perceive as failures, we may be- come stuck in an endless loop of fear and blame and feel that worrying about everything is better than doing nothing!

Worry myths: If I don't worry about it, who will? Stop for a minute and think about this one. Is it possible that there is another approach? An alternative to taking it all on yourself? What if you could really trust someone else to do it right? And what if you discovered that they could even do it better than you? There's something wrong with me if I'm not worried all the time. Aren't I supposed to worry about things? Please understand that this is a faulty premise, a misunderstanding of the obsessive part of you. It's perfectly okay to be calm and relaxed, even before a major performance or decision. It's great to go to a movie the night before an exam. It's fine to make fun of the those moments which seem so terribly serious. In fact, you'll find that the less you worry about your life, the more it can find its natural flow, which will turn out far better than you could have ever consciously imagined. Why spoil your life with your own limited expectations? What will I do with my time if I don't spend it worrying? How about a soothing hot tub while listening to the most wonderful music yo can think of? Curling up by a fire with your favorite book? Snuggling up with a lover and treating yourself to hugs and kisses? Enjoying the raindrops in your hair as you stroll along the beach? Sitting in a chair or on your meditation pillow, lighting a candle and stick of incense, and sinking into a deep meditation?